control

well, it has been more than a month now since i had a WI at WW. it started on thanksgiving. i decided to take a "break", just for the weekend, and things went downhill from there. now i've moved, made it through midterms, lost both the jobs i had, applied for a new job, and i've maintained the weight loss but wish i was down on the scale since a month and a half ago.

i feel out of control again. i'm lacking confidence, and i feel depressed about things. i've been turning to food alot for comfort, and now i'm finding it just doesn't have it. that is so hard to come to terms with because i really want it to. it offers escape so quickly but, so briefly. then i am faced with the same stress, pressure, and loneliness i had before. and i realize it wasn't worth it.

i am not someone who likes to be defined, but without a doubt i know i am an emotional eater. big time. i think that is the most significant obstacle to my weight loss. that and the fact i am a carb addict... but, i mean, those two things are pretty much best friends with matching keychains.

trying to motivate myself to start again is not easy. i want to go back to meetings, but it's difficult because now i'm in a strange new city and the meeting place is strange and new. last time it was the same one i've always been to since i was twelve years old. now i'm scared. that's the sad truth.

plus i don't even know what to eat anymore. i'm back in the mindset that i "need" certain foods like sugar, or bread. there is a nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me, "you can't do it." i really want to prove that voice wrong. i know i will, it's just a matter of when.

i think about my life and the promises i've made to myself. i don't want to be overweight at 24. i have allowed myself to be imprisoned by this for too long. i can't allow it any longer. i need to be 100% on board for this, because if i don't do it now i never will. i will have another year of wishing i was something i wasn't, of holding myself back from what i want to be. i can't allow that anymore.

that's enough motivation.