Monday, February 15, 2010

a not-so-quickie quickie

so i am back on the wagon after a week-long wander into carbland. i don't think a vegetable passed my lips for those four days!

monday, tuesday, and wednesday were stamped as epic failures and i wallowed in guilt until thursday when i decided i just needed a breather. i needed some time to think about stuff other than my weight. i realized during this self-imposed hiatus that the meal plan is not something i should be doing on a regular basis - only during busy times. this week i felt incredibly restricted and it just backfired completely. when i was forced to eat things that were not on the plan, i felt a complete loss of control. it was also demoralizing to think that i had spent sooo much of my time on something that i wasn't. even. using. anyway, i remembered that part of why i love ww is that it is flexible! my life is always crazy and i need to be able to let the program work for me. so, no more meal plans that are that strict...

anyways, in other news i am going away for spring break baby!



i'm pretty excited! booked my flight on thursday night, so all things are go... i am leaving in one week today! *shocked face*

i'm really looking forward to a vacation and having some me-time. christmas was a great break - but it felt like it was all go-go-go-go. i basically lived out of my car for a week travelling around to see friends and family. after new years i thought i would have time to chill/relax/figure out life... but i spent three days watching jersey shore and then it was back to the grind. no fair!

so this time i'm looking forward to five days of bliss on a beach and am working like a mad little bunny on homework so i can go with no assignments looming over my head. *sigh* such is the life of a student.

in other news, i am still training for the 5k. i increased my speed so i am back to intervals (blah). it's harder than i expected it to be at this point. i thought by this point i would just be used to running - maybe even enjoy it... but i still struggle around 5 - 10 mins, and after that a string of unmentionable curse words occupy my mind. hopefully this will change soon. at least i'm still at it? that's an accomplishment, right?! heck, i've been running since the beginning of november... four months dude. that's committment.

anyway i wanted to share a little story to finish off this post; something that reminded me of the importance of little steps going the distance.

well, last year around this time i weighed about 210 lbs. i had just started a new job and my supervisor weighed about the same as me after recently losing a lot of weight on ww. i found her weight loss really inspiring and so when i joined ww again back in the summer, i let her know. at that point she was maintaining her weight but was no longer doing the program.

i continued with ww during the summer, but come fall i lost motivation and spent two months off of the program. once the end of october rolled around, i realized i needed to get my crap together. a big motivator for me to rejoin was something i had written in my journal two years before; "...i don't want to be at this same place next year..."

it was really humbling reading that more than two years later. i still had the same goals and desires, and i had let myself be slack for way too long. it was positively unacceptable to think that a year from then things could still be the same. i wasn't going to allow it. i wouldn't continue to let my life pass by me unhappy and unfulfilled. i rejoined ww in october with a fresh resolve.

now for the neat part. since i started that job last year, which seems like aaaaages ago (but of course at the same time like yesterday) i have lost about 20 lbs. i'm happy for my accomplishments, including the weight loss, but sometimes get frustrated and feel like i could have done more.

the other day i went in to work and bumped into my old supervisor, whom i haven't seen for quite a few months. while we chit-chatted i couldn't help but notice that she has gained a lot of weight since the last time i saw her. probably 30 - 40 lbs.

something about seeing her made me swell with pride. i think it is because we started at the same point, but went two separate ways. i know that if i had made choices that did not put my health as a priority - being a member at ww, making healthy meals, going to the gym, etc. then i could very well be in the same spot as i was last year (my initial fear) or worse - have gained even more weight.

the sacrifices, decisions, and money that have gone in this journey haven't been wasted. and it's still just beginning! i know that the future has so much more for me...

have a great day bloggies!

Monday, February 8, 2010

meal plan!

now, just for the record, i'm not a detail-oriented person... the pts values are guesstimated here and there...

hard work = success

sorry i have been mia for the past week or so! i really have no good excuse, only that i have been too lazy to write about the happenings of my life!

this past week was much less stressful than other recent ones. my "to-do" list has gotten significantly shorter, and so i feel much less overwhelmed! :) i by no means have life "under control" - but i'm working on it! and the good news is despite having the urge to binge on carbs until the point of a food coma every day - i still managed to lose 1.2 lbs this last week!

*thumbs up*

i am now at 192.6 lbs!

i made another meal plan this week because i found it was really helpful last time - for a few reasons.

  • the meal plan helps me make good choices objectively. i can see my food laid before me before i even purchase it, let alone put it in my mouth! it's helped me realize how much i truly eat without thinking, and how much more balance i can use in my diet. the new perspective has been really helpful!

  • it takes the edge off of having to constantly plan what i am going to eat. i hate that feeling of being starved because i didn't pack a lunch, or didn't have a snack to bring, am standing in line with nothing healthy to order or am home and have nothing suitable to make a meal in my fridge. it's much less chaotic to just take some extra time at the beginning of the week and have everything more or less done, accessible, and ready-to-go.

this meal plan idea has been a part of practicing what i've been learning recently.

i am at a time in my life where i really feel myself changing. i'm beginning to realize that to get from where you are to where you want to be requires hard work. this may sound simple and obvious to some of you, but it is a lesson that is only truly hitting home for me now.

for example - so many times i beat myself up for not being farther ahead in life, whether that be in school/a career/a relationship/whatever. the feeling creeps up especially during times when i have to contemplate major life decisions, like i have in these past couple of weeks.

it's especially severe when i see old friends who are happily plugging along in life, or meet people who are doing what i want to be doing. it is so easy for me to be confronted with their success, become inflamed with jealousy and spiral into a mental landslide of negative emotion and self-talk.

however, this week i realized something worth sharing: it is easy to be jealous of someone's success.

it is easy for me to look at others great opportunities/skills/talents/accomplishments and die a little bit inside, because i don't have what they have.

however, 9 times/10 that success is simply a byproduct of years and years of hard work.

i see success, not the hours of practice.

i see success, not the years of volunteer work and study.

i see success, not the heartbreak and doubt.

it is so easy to be jealous of someone's success if you're ignorant of how hard they worked to achieve it.

this lesson obviously applies to my weight-loss journey as well. it is another aspect of my life where i cannot neglect the importance of plain 'ol hard work. yes, making my meal plan was a pain in the buttocks. but perhaps that's just what it takes to be successful. either it is worth it to me or it isn't.

hopefully you are able to see that i decided it was :)

anyhoo, feel free to post any comments on this! i love your comments! i'll post a copy of this week's meal plan! sorry i didn't post last week's but i didn't think it was good didn't think you'd be interested. you are more than welcome to peruse this one :)


p.s. can't forget to say how SUPER excited i am to have won kerry's book giveaway! yay yay yay! so excited to dig into that baby!

Monday, February 1, 2010

one of those days.

monday morning always comes too soon, doesn't it?!

just finished my bowl of steel-cut oats with brown sugar and almond breeze. yum.

yesterday was just one of those days. i work downtown on sundays and had agreed to drop some friends off at church on the way there. we were running late and everything was chaotic. they were harping on the fact that they were late, and i was super worried about getting to work on time. needless to say, i was gunnin' it. then, low and behold - for the first time in my life people - i got a speeding ticket.


needless to say, once i got to work the day didn't get much better. i managed to survive until i got home, where i then proceeded to eat two bowls of pasta and mini-wheats and then go to bed.

when i read tiff's post this morning, it spoke to that place in me that just feels like a failure. last night before i binged on carbs, i felt so overwhelmed. things that i haven't done, people i haven't talked to, homework assignments i haven't started kept popping into my mind one after another, each one with their own emotional blow. i would remember one, wallow briefly in depression and associated bad feelings, then think "ugh - whatever, forget it!" just so i could relax. i would stuff all my emotions down and ignore them so i didn't have to think about them at all.

it was not until this morning that i realized in stuffing and ignoring those emotions i was ignoring my own needs. in saying, "i don't care!" instead of allowing myself to feel, or addressing the real issue, i allowed myself to be weak and helpless. hence the binge on comfort food. yeah. kay. click.

anyways just thought i'd share. i'm off to do some laundry.

make sure to check out tj's blog 'cuz she is doing a massively amazing giveaway! as well as kerry who is giving away a copy of a book that changed her life!

toodles! :)