ramblings

i woke up with a sore throat this morning and the incessant urge to sneeze. i feel completely drained, but i don't know if that is because of the lack of sleep due to bachelorette/birthday partyness that has gone on this weekend mixed with the time change, or because i'm legitimately "sick" with a cold.

therefore, i sit here writing this blog post rockin' the i-don't-care-what-i-look-like-right-now-because-it-took-all-the-energy-i-had-just-to-shower look. i'm gearing up to start a marathon of homework, so the look works.

down to bizznass. first, weigh-in!

saturday morning, (i just sneezed fyi) i weighed in at 191.0 at WW which brings me back to my pre-florida/binge weight. i'm super excited because next week i could weigh-in in the 180's! *squeals of excitment*

i did want to tell you all a little bit about florida! it was a really nice trip that i spent with my mom and sister. at first, i wasn't sure how it was going to be spending so much time together, because i don't spend a lot of prolonged time with my family. however, we stayed at a resort in kissimee and spent our time shopping, swimming, at the spa, or doing other equally kewl things and all in all, it went pretty great! on wednesday i had the whole day to myself while my sister and mom went to disney, and that was sooo good. i'm not sure i would have made it through the trip without that day - i'm definitely one of those people that needs alone time to recharge.

the best part of the trip was the kayaking tour we took the day before we left. it was a night tour where we saw the sunset, and then got to go and search for some bioluminescent jellyfish! awesome fun!

our tourguide

a shot from my kayak

one of the not-so-great things that did happen on the trip was that i had a little meltdown at the grocery store when we went to go and get food. i had been sharing with my mom earlier that day about how hard it had been for me the past few weeks since my test, and how i was really struggling with food choices. she sympathized with me and seemed to understand. however, when we got to the grocery store that night, we split up. while i picked up a few healthy things, she piled the cart full of junk foods.

this stirred up some serious emotions in me. it brought me back to when i was first trying to lose weight at 285 lbs (when we still lived together) and she would always complain that my cooking was too healthy and that she didn't like it. she'd buy tons of junk food, put it in our cupboards and tell me to "just not eat it."

and this is the part of the story where i make a rant.

i hate it when people say, "well, i'll buy this and you just don't eat any!"

HA!

listen here, all you skinny people that think losing weight is just that easy.

listen here all you cold, unfeeling family members.

i hate it when you idiots say that to me! obviously i want to eat what you're buying. i'm not not buying it because i don't not want to eat it, you DINKOS. i want it just as much as you do!

the only thing that keeps me from buying that double chocolate brownie fudge batter ice cream is SHEER POWER OF WILL! and really, at some point (let's be realistic here) that is gonna wear off. so don't tell me to just "not eat it."

that's not gonna happen.

anyways! in other news... one of my favorite things in the world right now is my own green goddessish dressing. last week, i made a tomato/coconut shrimp recipe (SOOO GOOD) which called for fresh cilantro. the bunch i got from the store was soo big that i had tons of it leftover. to use it up, i decided i'd whip up a little salad dressing with some other things i had on hand, and it worked out fantastic! here's the "recipe" :)

quick and creamy cilantro dressing

• handful of fresh cilantro
  
• 1 tablespoon hellman's light mayo
  
• 3ish tbsps water
  
• salt
  
• clove of garlic
  
• 1 tsp. onion powder
  

whip the ingredients in the magic bullet until smooth. yields approx a 1/4 cup of yummy green dressing!

honestly, this stuff rocks my world.

hope you all had a good weekend!

tgif

when i stepped on the scale this morning, something amazing happened.

i stepped on, and was incredibly startled to see 190.0

i had to weigh myself twice just to double-check that i wasn't imagining things.

this - my friends - is completely unchartered ground. i mean, it's been unchartered for a while - but being on the brink of the 180's?! i feel a whole new sense of motivation to push forward.

just had to get that out of the way :)

this week i haven't been on track 100% with food, but i at least went grocery shopping and have been counting points. and drinking water. i'm slowly moving towards healthier overall living (i know myself, and i always move at turtle speeds) but i'm doing better than i have been the last few weeks, and that is good.

overall though it's been an amazing week. it was one of those weeks that could have been a downer (i was turned down for a promotion at work), but instead it has been fantastic and i feel so blessed to be living my life.

i love having that peace about where i am in life.

anyways, i'm off to a bachelorette party tonight! :) next post i will share some stuff about florida and my new love for green goddess dressing.

xoxo

monday is a new day.

okay, i confess. i have been a slacker. the past few weeks have been a mixture of confusion/excitment/busyness, but i am back. and i've realized something important:

the endoscopy and subsequent "what if" questions totally freaked me out. after googling all the things that could be causing the acid/digestive-type problems i have been having for the past two years, my "it's not that serious" bubble was totally burst. suddenly i was overwhelmed with helplessness and frustration.

what really threw me off track were some of the recommendations to clean up your digestive system. i mean, i've already given up almost all white carbs and sugar in an effort to lose weight and combat insulin resistance. other recommendations were to eliminate dairy and gluten (wheat), limit hard-to-digest vegetables (such as broccoli and brussel sprouts) and eat as little meat as possible.

that might be fine and dandy, but i have been instructed to stay away from certain things because they effect the acidity in my stomach. i stopped eating oranges and grapefruits, don't drink coffee or anything that is caffienated, or eat certain spicy foods (so sad since i love curry...).

in this whirlwind of "DON'T EAT THIS, DON'T EAT THAT!" i began to feel like,

HOLY CRAP - WHAT CAN I EAT?!?!?

needless to say, i had a little meltdown on a trip to the grocery store. absolutely everything i picked up had something "bad for me" in it. i left the store crying, drove home and cried myself to sleep. i then followed that up with a three week binge on many many crappy foods, because i just felt defeated and needed to live in denial for a while.

anyways, it's three weeks later and i am back on the wagon. i finally admitted to myself how upsetting this whole situation has been for me, and have made an appointment with my doctor to discuss the test.

in the meantime, i've cut myself some slack. i am continue to eat healthy in the best way i know how. even if i can't figure everything out with my body right now - i can still lose weight and that will help my overall health.

thanks for being patient and hangin' in there with me.

in other news - i was in a musical on the weekend which was a fundraiser for my trip to japan in may. it was fantastic! here are some pics:

gettin' mic'd! (yes i made him pose)


showtimeee


end of the show!

again, thank you to all you who follow me, for all your support and for sticking with me. i really appreciate your words of encouragment and they are what keep me comin' on back to this blog :)

xoxo.