monday is a new day.

okay, i confess. i have been a slacker. the past few weeks have been a mixture of confusion/excitment/busyness, but i am back. and i've realized something important:

the endoscopy and subsequent "what if" questions totally freaked me out. after googling all the things that could be causing the acid/digestive-type problems i have been having for the past two years, my "it's not that serious" bubble was totally burst. suddenly i was overwhelmed with helplessness and frustration.

what really threw me off track were some of the recommendations to clean up your digestive system. i mean, i've already given up almost all white carbs and sugar in an effort to lose weight and combat insulin resistance. other recommendations were to eliminate dairy and gluten (wheat), limit hard-to-digest vegetables (such as broccoli and brussel sprouts) and eat as little meat as possible.

that might be fine and dandy, but i have been instructed to stay away from certain things because they effect the acidity in my stomach. i stopped eating oranges and grapefruits, don't drink coffee or anything that is caffienated, or eat certain spicy foods (so sad since i love curry...).

in this whirlwind of "DON'T EAT THIS, DON'T EAT THAT!" i began to feel like,

HOLY CRAP - WHAT CAN I EAT?!?!?

needless to say, i had a little meltdown on a trip to the grocery store. absolutely everything i picked up had something "bad for me" in it. i left the store crying, drove home and cried myself to sleep. i then followed that up with a three week binge on many many crappy foods, because i just felt defeated and needed to live in denial for a while.

anyways, it's three weeks later and i am back on the wagon. i finally admitted to myself how upsetting this whole situation has been for me, and have made an appointment with my doctor to discuss the test.

in the meantime, i've cut myself some slack. i am continue to eat healthy in the best way i know how. even if i can't figure everything out with my body right now - i can still lose weight and that will help my overall health.

thanks for being patient and hangin' in there with me.

in other news - i was in a musical on the weekend which was a fundraiser for my trip to japan in may. it was fantastic! here are some pics:

gettin' mic'd! (yes i made him pose)


showtimeee


end of the show!

again, thank you to all you who follow me, for all your support and for sticking with me. i really appreciate your words of encouragment and they are what keep me comin' on back to this blog :)

xoxo.