weigh-in

i have been sooo busy for the last week. i sat down on wednesday night to make my comprehensive "to-do" list, and believe it or not it was actually twenty tasks long! most of the things aren't light or fluffy either, they are serious things that i hate dealing with. we're talking bills, doctors, school, money, bank, planning-for-the-future kind of tasks. bah.

i weighed in on saturday at 195.6 which is .4 up from last week. honestly - i don't know what to say. i tracked sooo well this week, worked out at least three times and still gained. i'm frustrated and trying to pinpoint what could be wrong. there are only a few things that i think could be at the root of this problem;

1. water
i drank at least six glasses every day this week (so still within the healthy guidelines range), but sometimes i find that is just not enough. optimally i need to get in at least eight of water alone, and then everything else is bonus. this week i'm going to make a point of getting in more water.

2. tom
i've been feeling super hormonal and bloaty lately, so i feel like that tom is a'comin soon. part of me hopes i am just retaining tons of water, but i don't really think that is realistic. what if it's not water?

3. a plateau
i've experienced plateaus on ww before, and they always discouraged me to the point where i just quit the program. i'm glad that i'm at a place in life now where i can honestly say that i don't see doing ww as a program, or a diet - but this is the way that i am, the way that i eat and the way i look after my body. i still have random blips (for example, i definitely had a slushie and some reeses tonight) but at the end of the day i know what i need to do to feel fresh, healthy and alive - so i do it, no matter what my scale reads.

as far as the scope goes, turns out my appointment last thursday was only for a consultation (apparently my doctor was wrong to tell me i would get the scope on my first appointment, the specialist's secretary told me this is a frequent problem). anyways, the new date for the scope is this thursday. needless to say, i'm dreading it and absolutely hate the thought of having to go to the hospital for this. bahbahbahx100.

anyhoo, i'm off to watch the real housewives of the oc. just wanted to come clean on the ww dealio and report re: the non-happening (but soon to happen) scope. i'll be back with better posts later. ttyl!

i double as a superhero

so yesterday night, my room mates and i were up late hanging around the apartment. we were talking in the living room, when suddenly we heard a rather loud (but distant) ringing sound. my room mates thought it was coming from one of the other apartments, but i had an inkling that it was coming from waaaay down the hall, and that someone was stuck in the elevator.

needless to say, i mosied on down to see and sure enough i was right! i was a little shocked that i was the only person to come out of an apartment. even our superintendents live right next to the elevator! the ringing had been going on for at least five minutes! i began to mobilize a help party (oh yes, i'm totally a superhero) so i knocked on their door. it took them a good long while to answer and then when i explained the situation they stood there completely dumbfounded. they came out to fiddle with the buttons on the elevator until i (impatiently) asked them if there was an emergency number they could call.

elevator dude's wife showed up a short time later and explained that he had only been taking a trip down to take out the garbage. hahah. i couldn't help but laugh. eventually help came, and he was liberated to go back and live his life. yay! all in a day's work. but seriously, it's disturbing that no one else came to help! all i could think was what if someone was attacked in the elevator? everyone would have just continued chilling in their apartments watching their jeopardy and eating their cheese doodles.

ANywhayz, in other news, i am slightly terrified because today i have to go for a esophagogastroduodenoscopy today. yeah, try saying that three times fast! ;) i've had the appointment for months, but wasn't really thinking much about it (my doctor said it was no big deal) until last night, when i googled it and found out that for the procedure they hop you up on a cocktail of painkillers, muscle relaxants, sedatives and external analgesics. gah. i'm really hoping and praying everything will be alright, and that this just lets me know the source of the craziness that has been occuring in my body (i've had unexplained acid reflux for two years). i'm not super excited about the drugs though, or the scope. boo, i'm such a baby :(


anyways, ttyl!

mmm, pancakes.

so, for some unknown reason (or possibly a rogue can of diet coke) i was up until 4:30 am last night. i sat in the wee hours of the morning, watching the newest episode of jersey shore (yes, i'm pathetic) on almost-mute so that i didn't wake the dog.

snaps for me though, i still got up bright and early for my weigh-in.

no loss this week, i stayed the exaaactly same. slightly annoying since i was good this week (!), but i'm pretty sure it's just water weight because according to my scale i was down a few days ago but ballooned up suddenly for no reason at all.

i don't really have a plan for today. i'm still in "break" mode but there is a lot of stuff i have to do before school starts again on tuesday. i am so not ready to go back, but it will be good to have more structure in my life again. i definitely benefit from that. and i am excited to see my friends. i've kind of been a hermit for the last week.

can i just tell you what an amazing breakfast i had this morning? i decided that after weigh-in i would eat whateeeeeeeeeever i wanted, and i decided i really wanted pancakes. with fruit. and whipped cream.

the best part was that i contemplated a variety of options in my mind, but settled on making my world-famous (hmm, work with me) oatmeal pancakes, the kind i make in my magic bullet. i figured i could pick up a small container of whipped cream, and use some of my amazing europe's best fruit mix.

needless to say, it turned out fabulous. unfortunately i am a big butt since i didn't get to snap a picture (i was starving and my room mate and i were having an important convo i couldn't really tear myself away from) but it was glorious and exactly what i wanted.

this is kind of a nsv. even after giving myself freedom to choose whatever i wanted, i still wanted wholesome, hearty, healthy food. sure, normally i don't eat dollops and dollops of whipped cream (although, i'd rather eat it than its weird, synthetic counterpart). but the oatmeal pancakes and fruit were both things i eat all the time. i guess it's true that the food you eat quickly becomes the food you crave.

this just brings home the fact that for me, ww is just a tool that i am using to change my life. beyond the point-counting, meetings, booklets, pamphlets, etc. - i am learning to nourish my body and holistically look after myself. it's wonderful!

have a great saturday bloggies! get some sunshine!

i'll huff 'n puff 'n blow your effing house down

today was another unexciting day. i started it off with a bowl of shreddies and an apple, and then hopped off to the gym. after 15 mins on the elliptical, i did a 25 min run/walk. got home feelin' good and took the dog out for a pee.

i don't think i have blogged about this yet, but to my complete and utter surprise my sister registered me for a 5k run as one of my christmas gifts. needless to say, on christmas morn' she told me the news and i was overcome with terror, anxiety, excitment and joy. this is something i so deeply want to do for myself. in fact, i was already looking into it, but had managed to talk myself out of doing it in the near future. bah, what is family for?

the race is in march, which is only a couple short months away. this is really forcing me to take running seriously. up until now, i have been loosely following the couch to 5k plan, but more or less on my own terms. the longest i have run has been 8 1/2 minutes. unfortunately, that's just not gonna cut it for the race. i want to be able to run all of it. and if that's too lofty a goal, i want to do my very best trying.

something that has been sort of looming over my head is a comment my dad made the other day when i told him about the race. i mentioned that my sister and i were doing it together and one of the only things he said was, "well, you'll certainly be huffing and puffing... (insert chuckle here)"

my heart dropped when he said that. i actually wanted to punch him in the face. i couldn't believe that he didn't have one word of encouragment for me. instead, he decided to make an assumption. yeah, my sister weighs less than i do. yeah, she has been running longer than i have. you may think you're funny, but obviously you are just saying that because you think i am too fat to run. well, @#!* you.

what he said cut me somewhere deep. his words were like the voices of failure i allowed myself to accept over the years just because i was too "fat."

for so much of my life i allowed myself to be second best, to sit in the shadows, and to believe those voices that said i was not enough. i believed the words of shame, fear and uncertainty.

if i still listened to those voices, i wouldn't run - because fat girls don't run.

but i've changed.
it's terrifying and exhilarating.
i push myself harder - and damnit

i change.

i don't hear my doubts as loudly.

i outrun my fears.

i will run this race to prove those voices, and my old self, wrong.

that being said, i leave you with the lyrics to one of my new fav workout songs which continues to motivate me to runnnn run run! "check yes juliet" by we the kings;

lace up your shoes
here's how we do
run baby run
don't ever look back
they'll tear us apart if you give them the chance
don't sell your heart

don't say we're not meant to be
run baby run

forever will be
You and me

anyways, hope you had a great thursday. toodles!

puppy sitting

today, during my convalescence, i spent most of my time puppy sitting. my room mate had to work and so the puppy and i chilled out and watched movies. once she settled down for an afternoon nap, i had some chicken soup (hopefully it will help me feel better), blueberries, and roasted brussel sprouts for lunch.

around 3 o'clock, i managed to rally enough energy to do some grocery shopping. i braved the frigid weather to go to no frills, and picked up some yummies, including a box of cake mix and some club soda to make ww cupcakes!

so exciting.

when i came home i had some leftover speghetti with whole wheat noodles, and then i commenced the cupcake plan. i'm sure most of you have had these, they are super easy. you just take:

- any cake mix

- a can of diet coke (but i prefer club soda)

mix the two together to make the batter and then bake as normal. no eggs, no oil, just club soda and cake mix! they make yummy little cupcakes that are around 100 cals a piece. i used duncan hines french vanilla cake mix, and i had a bottle of club soda left over from a party so i measured out 355 ml to add. when i mixed it all up it looked like this!

i also picked up some decaf vanilla hazelnut coffee! i made some in the french press with steamed milk while the cupcakes were in the oven. yumm!



and now i am enjoying one of these little cupcakes, with my coffee, while i write this post :)

i will leave you guys with some thoughts from yesterday. you see, last night i went to work and we went snow tubing. it was really cold, but sooo much fun! my group really enjoyed it, and so did i.

there is something about a ski hill at night - it's so quiet and peaceful. always lit up just perfectly. i was at the bottom of the hill at one point, looking around and thinking about how four or five years ago, snow tubing would have terrified me. not because i am afraid of heights or going down icy hills in inflatable tubes (which i totally am, but that is besides the point), but because i would have thought i was too overweight to even try.

the fact that last night that thought did not even cross my mind is a testament to how far i have really come. my weight used to hold me back from so many things, and from living my life to the fullest. i can truly and honestly say that as i continue to transform my body and my life, that is not true anymore. i'm happy it's not.

weigh-in and a furry friend

so this post is basically a random mish-mash of updates, or something of the sort. first of all, weigh-in!

even though i had gained some weight last week according to my scale, i must have peed most of it away because i weighed in at 195.2 lbs, that's .4 lost! made it to that .1% percentile of "loss"
that i gave myself. i was soo convinced i would gain. maybe it was that i almost stripped naked wore the same clothes i did at my last weigh-in, but who knows.

when i came home, there was a little surprise waiting for me! one of my room mates and her boyfriend adopted a puppy and brought her here to stay for the week. she's a little lab-mix pup, 3 months old, and a ball of energy!

isn't she cute?! it has great to have a puppy around! i absolutely love animals! she is so playful, but definitely a handful. it is obvious that my room mate and her boyfriend didn't really know what they were getting themselves into when they adopted her. my roommate goes to school full-time and they both work, so i have no idea what will happen to this puppy once life goes back to "normal." she needs constant supervision, needs to be potty-trained and has a few bad habits already. for example, when you pick her up she snarls and tries to bite you. that's fine in a pup that's five or so lbs, but what happens when she is the size of a lab!?

anyhoo, in other news apparently i am coming down with a little head-cold. i wondered why for the past few days i have felt so drained of energy! even on new years eve, i could barely motivate myself to go out for the concert/mingle thing (which was super fun, p.s.)! the entire night i wanted to go home! and that is so not like me.

yesterday, after getting home from church, we had lunch and then i "went to my room for a few minutes to check my email." those few minutes turned into a 3 hour nap! when i woke up, i had something to eat, and then spent the entire rest of the night wanting to go back to sleep.

when i woke up this morning i felta little better but... not really. i had some oatmeal for breakfast with banana and protein powder. i looove oats. now, the other day i tried the breakfast cookie; which has oats, protein powder, peanut butter, a splash of almond milk and whatever else you wanna throw in it. i made it with a few chocolate chips (sorry i didn't snap a pic). i told you that once i tried it i would tell you what i thought. well, the jury is out and i didn't like it. yes, it kept me full for a few hours - but i hated the taste/texture of uncooked oats. if you have an aversion to cooked oatmeal, i encourage you to try the recipe. however, i love me some cooked cereal. so, the next day i decided to throw all of the same ingredients into a bowl of cooked oats and it had the same effect. tasted decent to me and kept me full for 3.5 hours!

i'm off then to pop this vitamin cocktail... mmm... i have no plan for the day but hopefully i start feeling better and can cross a few things off my to-do list that is about 494095.5 things long! have a great day and toodles!

up and at it!

i was up super late last night watching the time travellers wife. quite the sobfest. i then found my house all eerie (yeah, the movie kind of freaked me out) so i made a breakfast cookie and managed to fall asleep around 2 am.


since i have some people coming over today, i wanted to go to my meeting early. but man, i hate getting up early! especially to put on as little clothes as possible for my weigh-in!


i'm 99.9% sure i have gained weight, and i haven't fully gotten back on the wagon. i haven't been eating tons of crap since tuesday, but i have yet to do that refill-your-cupboards-and-crispers-with-healthy-food grocery shop yet. yesterday i literally ate the random leftover foods of my room mates (and some leftover pizza from new years) because i was out of food and there wasn't a grocery store open.


anyways, this is just a quickie. i'll post something after my meeting. toodles.